My husband has spent his entire adult life caring for his father. Finch is the youngest of five siblings. His older brother and sisters have families and careers of their own, and he was the one who took it upon himself to look after dad in his senior years. His mom died from stroke complications in 1997. So when I came into the picture in 2010, father and son had been a team for thirteen years.
Having been in a similar situation with a previous relationship, I was very cautious about how I approached the man I felt strongly was going to be my father-in-law. I wanted him to like me, and above all else, I wanted him to see me as a support to his son – NOT the evil temptress sent from the nethermost pits of hell to take away his live-in social-security system.
The first time I met Finch’s dad (I’ll refer to him as Lee), was the day of our first, official date. Finch was taking me to an Ann Arbor restaurant for brunch, and then we were going to the Wisconsin vs. Michigan football game at Michigan Stadium. It was a gorgeous, fall morning. I was going to meet Finch at his house which was about half way between my apartment and the stadium. The drive through the countryside was beautiful with the fall leaves, and fluffy wind clouds.
When I arrived at the house, I was greeted by Zeb, Finch’s black lab. I’d been warned ahead of time about this gentle giant, so I came prepared with crispy bacon in my jacket pocket. Just as I had been told, Zeb warmed up to me immediately.
Lee was exactly what I expected – a much older, frailer version of Finch, with big glasses. We warmly shook hands, and exchanged pleasantries.
Finch then took me on a brief tour of the house. In his dad’s room, there was a beautiful, model ship placed high on a shelf. I asked about it, and Finch said it was a replica of Horatio Nelson’s ship. “Oh, from the battle of Trafalgar?”, I asked. He replied “Yes”.
When we returned to the living room, I told Lee that I loved his model ship. He asked me if I knew anything about Horatio Nelson. I proceeded to tell him that I’d been to his tomb at St. Paul’s Cathedral in London. I shared a brief summary of his military career, and told him that after Nelson died in the Battle of Trafalgar, his soldiers pickled his body in a vat of brandy for the journey home. Lee got the biggest smile on his face. He was blown away that I knew about the brandy thing. I knew I’d won him over.
Lee is a retired home builder, and United States Marine. He fought in four battles in the South Pacific during World War Two. Upon returning from the war, he married his wife, and had a family. He’s an avid reader, and still either walks or swims every day. At ninety-five, he’s in amazing health both mentally and physically.
Needless to say, my football game date with Finch went swimmingly (Badgers won) and our relationship continued to quickly evolve. Over the upcoming weeks, Lee and I continued to build our relationship. I knew that as Finch’s partner, I was going to become an assistant caregiver to Lee. As I was building my relationship with Finch, I was putting a considerable amount of effort to my relationship with Lee. He liked that I was a farm girl with a good education, and that I came from a solid family. He liked that I was a “go-getter” and that I loved sports.
As with any relationship, we’ve had our disagreements. However, we’ve worked through them. I know how important he is to my husband, and that is enough to make me want to keep things flowing smoothly.
Who knew Horatio Nelson could serve as a bonding influence?