When I was a child, I was often chastised by adults and other children for not wanting to play in the sun.
Pale skin was my genetic destiny. My ancestors haled from northern Germany and northern England so I was pretty much screwed in the pigmentation department.
I gave up on tanning years ago. It’s not going to happen for me. I’m white as a ghost. If I’m in direct sunlight for more than ten minutes, bad things start to happen.
I don’t think I’ve ever purchased makeup what wasn’t in the “porcelain” or “fairest ivory” family. Once I find my shade, I become a customer for the long haul. Oh, and I don’t have a winter shade and a summer shade like my sun-worshiping friends.
I call my sunscreen “The Nosferatu Special”. Its street name is SPF 50. If I go into direct sunlight without it, I will burn. I’ve gotten pretty good at applying it over the years. Through a series of most unpleasant experiences, I have learned exactly which spots I overlook – ear lobes, nape of the neck, back of arms, and the triangle on the top of the chest when wearing a v-neck shirt.
Once I have suffered through the pain phase of the burn (it varies between mild discomfort and absolute hell depending on the severity), I pass through the molting stage (during the summer months I keep a bottle of aloe in my refrigerator just in case), and after I have molted my burned skin, I go back to my original shade.
In addition to sunscreen, I have a few hats, scarves and shawls made from gauze and lace. They provide supplemental sun coverage while not making me look like a complete freak when attending outdoor summer events.
When I go to baseball games I have to either go to night games, or make sure I’ll be in a shaded part of the stadium.
I live in a part of the US where going to “the lake” is a mandatory summer activity. Before I ask “when?”, I ask “where?” because I need to make sure the lake is one with a lot of trees or a nearby shelter. If I turn down an invitation, it’s probably not that I don’t want to go to your softball game or backyard party, it’s that I can’t be away from shade for more than a few minutes.
It is with the spirit of friendship and camaraderie that I reach out to my alabaster brothers and sisters. While the sun-kissed masses scoff at our condition with all the warmth and compassion of Nero in Rome, we can find a shady spot and discuss starting a porcelain revolution.
